hmmm its like 5 days since exams are over...now i feel empty..as in empty empty. ha with nothing to study, no work to do...i'm a 无业游民 now...feel so lazy..
i really really hope that i'll get called up for INTERVIEWS soon! i wanna try new things!esp in marketing and coordination stuffs...exciting.....
anws jus to update,thus (lazy at home)
fri (was a filial daughter and went shopping with mummy)
sat (was a nice student and junior who went to the small gathering organised by my German BGS prof and celebrated for chuan for his intern trip..come back soon!)
sun (went tomb sweeping...and stayed home to acc my granny who came over.)
sun wasnt really a good day...was quite 情绪化 thinking about stuff.
suddenly felt that my grandmothers have really aged....my por por(mum's mum)'s legs are weak such that she'll fall down easily...she gt a bruise from falling down last week...showed it to us and it hurts me inside when i saw it yesterday...
since school started, i havnt really been visiting her or talking to her...i feel so unfilial...feel regretful.. i do not want to regret not spending more time with her till its too late. she thinks of us all the time..when she calls, she'll ask mum how we all are...are we having exams and all that stuff...but yet i only know things happened to her when my mums tells me. i din even make an effort to ask regularly... i should reflect ya.
was holding on to her while she walks with tiny cautious steps...
since when had she grown so thin and weak?
since when had she have to use a walking sticks?
since when did she have t0 take so many different medicine?
since when did she have to take a long rest after walking?... i feel her drifting away from me..so slowly but yet so real.
she used to dote on me and cook all my favourite dishes every weekends.though i wasnt as close to her as my sis since she was brought up by my granny, i do truly appreciate her efforts of goin to the market bright and early and cooking delicious dishes for us. i may not understand what she says sometimes and she doesnt understand me sometimes but i know she loves us and at a time of old age , she must be feeling lonely most of the time.
i see her staring into space most of the time.
is that how u feel when u're old and even if u want to do something, u're in no position to decide because ur body is giving way to years of toiling...?
i feel so helpless in a way...i know aging is a natural process that all have to go through. nevertheless, i think i'm still immature. i'm not mature enough to handle those dy*ng stuff. i do not want to face any of that and i hope they dun come to me ever ever. it hurts me even to think about it now.probably thats wat 'heart-wrenching' means...u'll tear even when just thinking about it.
i so wanted to give her a big bear hug yesterday but i know she wont be comfortable haha.so i din.
i asked her over to our hse next week..hope she comes =)
till then take care granny. lotsa love from me to you.
llwei~
