01dec2007 tears for you.

i teared.
for someone i do not know.

reading, i felt like i've actually know you.
your smile was just as vibrant as your personality.
thats the reason for the pain of many
for the heartache they felt.

i felt a sense of breathlessness.
i dont know why i held my breathe while reading; listening to the songs played in remembrance of you.

for the past few days, i've frens who mentioned to me that one of the five was their fren.

yesterday, i read an article in the newspaper written in memorance of jeremy.
she was someone who never met him but heard so many stories of him before.
for her, it was regrets.
regrets of letting fate ran past her so easily.
regrets of not making an effort to know this wonderful son and fren.
regrets of not being abe to have the chance to do anything again.



i thought hard.
i felt hard.
i've alwasy thought that life was vulnerable.
i know it, but when actually faced with it, how many of us can actually face it brave and standing tall?

it is not shame to let your tear flow. for it is these of which will make u stronger.
the acceptance of reality is the first step to moving on.
the courage to reminsce is the vow to keep him in your memory for ever and ever.


many says that angels took them away.
do angels exist? does heaven exist?
where does people go after they die?
heaven sounds like a good place, but is that the imaginery, a place of solace that people thought up of to make themselves feel better?
are people chosen to die? how are they chosen then? are bad people chosen or are the good ones chosen? how far is heaven from us?

how will i die? when will angels come and take me away?
how will my family deal with it?
maybe they had tried taking me away before, its my parents' love that made them let me stay.

i do not like the topic of death.
cos it makes me so childish and unrealistic.
i know its not possible to have everyone with me for ever and ever.
i know i'll have to face it eventually.
i'm an escapist.

i hope that they are indeed taken away by angels.
not just them, but everyone who dies.
like lala's granny.
somehow, i still remember her in the coffin. she looked beautiful and peaceful.
where is she going? i hope to see her again...


i teared again.
when i read through what i wrote. somehow, i like to read through my own post for everyword i wrote, it makes me feel.

emotions are so hard to comprehend.
even when its mine.

life is so complicated.
even when its mine.

i want to treasure.
tightly.
with all my love.
all before its too late.


lots of lurve
llwei~