22jan2008

i'm so angry with myself.

muddle head.
why am i always losing track of my things and thoughts.

its so scary to be made to worry.
the moment of realisation for them is even worse.
what were they thinking then.
slow motion?
time freezes, there's not continuation. just snapshots.
the fear within intensifies till it threaten to burst.
did you forget to convey ur love to anyone?
glad that we were first on your mind.


somehow, i feel guilty.
the searing pain.
the discomfort.
the temporal handicap.
i know he feels guilty.
tt explains the insistence to be by her side.
the tendering care.
the simple holding of hands that provides much reassurance.
or maybe thats true love.

pray for things to get better real soon.
hope she's the right girl.

i hope there wont be a next time.

as usual,
you're always the first.
but, what i want to say,
as usual,
never get said.

ask me.
there's never a 'no.' for answer.
only for you.
but not for me.


life's unfair.
i knows.


when i say no.
i'm angry.
at myself.
angry that i come from lala land,
the land of fantasy and fairy tales.
i'm a foreigner, i cant speak your language.


everything's still the same.
oh. i see.




the sister/the friend.~